Marriage is a Lifelong Covenant

Matthew 19:1-12; Malachi 2:14-16

Matthew 19 is an account of a question-answer exchange with Jesus. First, the Pharisees, as they often did, try to trap him in a theological debate with a loaded question. This time, they ask him about divorce.

In verse 3, the Pharisees ask, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" The heart of the question goes to a dispute among Jewish religious leaders of the day. The school of Shammai held that divorce was only permissible due to adultery or infidelity; in fact, it was required by Jewish law in those cases. The school of Hillel believed that men could divorce their wives indiscriminately.

Jesus' first answer is recorded in verses 4-6. His answer is, as is often the case, to not answer an entrapping question directly, but to raise the standard of the premise on which the issue rests.

He directs the Pharisees all they way back to Genesis! He quotes from Genesis 1:27, 5:2, and 2:24, where Scripture says plainly that God created people as male and female so that "a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Then he makes a bold statement, "What therefore God has joined together let not man separate." His first response is to say, "Hey! You are missing the point. God intended marriage to be a lifelong covenant from the beginning."

So, of course, the Pharisees try again. This time they use sources, and quote Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and ask, "Why did Moses command divorce?" Jesus corrects them again, by saying no one ever commanded divorce, merely allowed it, because of "hardness of heart". Is this to say Jesus is condoning "irreconcilable difference" divorces? Not at all! The "hardness of heart" he is referring to is sin itself. Jesus says, "From the beginning it was not so." But, since man has fallen and is now prone to sin, there will arise tragic circumstances in which sin has irretrievably damaged marriages. Jesus says you should consider divorce in such cases (of sexual immorality) a provision of God's grace.

Malachi 2:14-16 may help us see why Jesus took such a staunch position when he was questioned about divorced. Malachi is the only book besides Proverbs that uses the word "covenant" to describe marriage. In the book of Malachi, it is made clear that covenants involve 4 conditions: a covenant is 1) a relationship with 2) a nonrelative that 3) involves obligations and 4) is established through an oath or vow. Malachi goes out of his way to refer to marriage as a covenant, in the same way he refers to the Levitical covenant, the covenant of "our fathers" with the Lord, and is the only prophet to use the phrase "messenger of the covenant" in reference to John the Baptist, who, of course, prepares the way for Christ.

Also, Malachi 2:15 refers to the work of the Spirit in fusing the bonds of marriage. The same idea of two becoming one is made clear here, and we see that God as given a portion of His Spirit in establishing the covenant between husband and wife upon their vows.

It has been stated that verse 16 is perhaps the most difficult to translate in all of the Bible. Whether it says "God hates divorce" or "the man who does not love his wife," the indication is that the marriage covenant is not something that is ended lightly. The phrase is translated "does not love" in the ESV is done so because it literally means "to cease to love" or to "love less." Interestingly, the most popular reason for divorce in Jesus' day, as well as in our day, is simply unhappiness or "loss of love."

I am inspired by Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 John 4:7-12 that tell us the true meaning of love, and that when we learn to love as Christ has demonstrated to us, we understand that it is unconditional and sacrificial. In our society it is easy to claim that the Bible's position on divorce is stiff or extreme. But I think this standard is greatly upheld in the same way Jesus answered the Pharisees: that we shouldn't lose sight of God's intention and His standard for our marriages, and that even though we live in a fallen world, we have the gifts of God's Word to guide us and the Christ's love to compel us. And that is the gospel. Praise be to God that we have forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and since we have been saved through Him we can seek to live in ways that please God and that are testimonies to the world of the gospel.

must listen

Every single adult should listen to this message from Joshua Harris:

http://www.covlife.org/resources/28923-Courtship_Shmourtship

If you've read the book, you will love this sermon.

If you haven't read the book, this will make you want to!

battling unbelief part 2

There are several songs we sing in worship services that are geared toward preparing our hearts to heard the Word of God. The song Ancient Words by Lynn DeShazo says, “We have come with open hearts, oh, let the ancient words impart.” Keith and Kristyn Getty’s hymn Speak, O Lord is a prayer in which we ask God to speak to us through the Word. “Take Your truth, plant it deep in us…test our thoughts and our attitudes...” Finally, Paul Baloche’s popular song Open the Eyes of My Heart says we want the Lord to open our hearts to see His glory and holiness.

Too often, I’m afraid, we sing words that we don’t mean. We bring our emotional and spiritual baggage with us to worship, and rather than sacrificing it at the altar, we sit with it in our laps wondering why a loving God would call us to such difficulty or suffering. On the other hand, I have been in worship services where I was so preoccupied with something good that I sat smugly without paying real attention to what the Lord might have me to hear. Whatever the case, we are clearly called to lay everything on the altar of sacrifice before the Lord and humbly live the entirety of our lives in His love, care, and grace. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you.” In 2 Chronicles 20, when Judah faced an unstoppable enemy, King Jehoshaphat prays, “We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (v.12). Later, the Lord reminds them, “Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s” (v.15).

Jehoshaphat believed in God’s faithfulness and deliverance. How much better could we be equipped to deal with life’s struggles if we prayed like Jehoshaphat? What if rather than allowing our problems and struggles, or even our joys, to get in the way, we confessed our unbelief of not allowing Christ complete Lordship in our lives, and approached Him in humility. We do not know what to do, so let us focus our eyes on Him.

Psalm 55:23 goes on to say, “He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Righteousness comes through forgiveness, and forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ, the Lamb that was slain. There is strength in His name and there is power in His Word. If there is any comfort to be found in times of sorrow or suffering, it is through the Word of God. Instead of keeping up our obstacles that distract us in worship, let us vanquish the power of unbelief in our lives and live fully under the grace of Christ, giving up all that we have to Him.

The second verse of Gettys’ hymn ends with the lines, “Words of power that can never fail, Let their truth prevail over unbelief.” May this be our constant prayer, so Satan will lose his foothold in our hearts, and we will experience the fullness and richness of God’s compassion, mercy, peace, comfort, and love.

preparing for marriage

Being single in our culture and society is an interesting and challenging experience. For many singles, finding a partner for life has become the very definition of happiness in life and therefore the driving purpose of living. In order to prepare myself for a future marriage that reflects what the Bible prescribes marriage to be in Ephesians 5, I propose the following redefinitions.

First, we need to redefine our attitudes as single adults. Our world has come up with so many ways to find a date: from pick-up lines to online dating to a friendly and well-intentioned "set-up," we are obsessed with dating and we have elevated it to a place that causes an unhealthy amount of anxiety, pressure, and distraction. We need to reflect the Christ-like attitude of contentment and hopefulness in God's sovereignty in all things, including our future spouse. As regenerate beings called to be transformed by the grace of God, we should heed the words of Psalm 37 and focus more on God's grace than our problems that need solving. The Psalm says to "delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Too often we try to turn this upside down, delighting ourselves in our own desires and hoping for the Lord's blessing. Even if our desires are totally pure and right, we have no way of dictating or predicting God's timing or purposes. Ephesians 5:15-17 likewise admonishes us to make the best use of our time to "understand what the will of the Lord is."

Secondly, we need to redefine what "love" means to us. We need to redefine love as selfLESS rather than self-centered. We need a radical transformation in our attitudes toward love. Rather than seeking after what we need to be happy, we should view love as the act of seeking after how to best serve others. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 says, "For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." In his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris writes, "The Bible teaches us that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living. And we can no longer live for ourselves—we now live for God and for the good of others. Because of that, relationship with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time” or “learning what I want in a relationship.' They’re not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what’s in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there’s nothing in it for us. To want that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God."

Finally, we need to redefine how we view the marriage relationship itself. Ephesians 5:22-33 is a wonderful passage about Christ's love for the Church that uses God's institution of marriage as a beautiful illustration. We need to radically change our understanding of marriage to realize that God did not ordain the institution of marriage primarily for our pleasure or happiness, but for His glory in proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Marriage is a wonderful thing that brings great joy, but also equips both husband and wife to more faithfully live and proclaim the gospel. Gary and Betsy Ricucci, writers of Love That Lasts, answer the question "What is marriage?" Part of that answer deals with Ephesians 5: "One of the most beautiful analogies God uses to define His relationship with us is that of a marriage. To grasp this is both inspirational and sobering. People should be able to look at our marriages and say. 'So that’s what the church is like? That’s what it means to have a relationship with Jesus?' God intends to cultivate the same abundant, unconditional love between a husband and wife as He Himself has for us. Marriage is a profound and marvelous mystery established by God for His glory."

I encourage single adults in the church to make these redefinitions and begin practicing Christlike patience, hopefulness, love, and humility in order to prepare yourselves for an Ephesians 5 marriage. I also encourage married couples in the church to practice demonstrating what a true Ephesians 5 marriage looks like. Church, encourage singles to "make the best use of time" and live to serve Christ during the unique time of singleness rather than being driven to find a spouse. Singleness is not a problem that needs fixing. It is a blessing from God and an opportunity to serve Him in a unique way, preparing, praying, and practicing for a future life in marriage that will represent the gospel of Jesus Christ, His great love for us, and bring honor and glory to Him alone.